Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
