i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
