Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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