I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
