I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
