had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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