So drunk its hurt
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
