another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
