So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
