Christians are straight up FREAKS
Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
