i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
