If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
