there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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