U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
