i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
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