I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
