I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Randomize
