when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
