you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
