oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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