Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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