We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
