In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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