u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
