I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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