it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
