Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
