sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
