I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
