I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
