her vagine was all disorganized.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize