I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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