Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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