Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
