I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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