Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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