where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
