A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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