between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
