We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
