a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
