Already got asked if we're dating
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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