My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
love makes seman taste better
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
