Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
