dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
PANTIES FOUND
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