There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize