I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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