DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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