My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
