Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
