I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
