So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize