seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
