Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
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