He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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