you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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