Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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