Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
