Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
