ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
