it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
