he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
