I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
