we made out on top of his cat.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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