He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
