i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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