Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
