Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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