i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
