It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
