i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My vagina just clenched in fear
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
