Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
MIDGETS
????
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize