I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
