The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
