So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
