guys are not supposed to queef...right?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
