i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
