nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Randomize
