I'm so fucking centered right now
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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