Tell her she can't have a vagina
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize