I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
