we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
