i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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