I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
