Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
