I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
