Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
