i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
