i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
