Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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