I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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