I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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