Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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