Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
