i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
