he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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