the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
