listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
i've created a new STD.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
