then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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