How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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