We're like a lot better than the average bears
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Randomize
