I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
