I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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