He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
