whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
