oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
