His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
