I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
