At least make sure they are 18
Why
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
