I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
