She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Hippo gnu deer
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
