I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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