the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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