if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
