I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
